DEAR HARRIETTE: What should I do to learn patience if I’m constantly reminding myself, but it still doesn’t click?
I find that I have a short fuse for many things: loud environments, people asking for favors, people not following through on promises, last-minute changes (even if they’re not an inconvenience), people telling me no, figuring out what to eat, completing work projects, people who make me wait — the list goes on.
Sometimes I surprise myself with how I react to things, and I usually can’t answer myself when I ask, “Why did you have to yell?”
I’m high-strung, and I don’t know what to do about it.
— Impatient
DEAR IMPATIENT: In a word: Breathe. Literally.
You need to learn to calm yourself by engaging your breath. When you feel anxious, pause for a moment and take three deep, cleansing breaths. As you inhale, invite patience to fill your being. As you exhale, you invite discomfort to dissipate. Before you do or say anything, allow your breath to support you.
Consider taking a yoga class. Learn to meditate. Practices like that can help calm you. You may also want to take up a sport or some kind of physical activity that engages your body and requires you to concentrate.
Finally, get a therapist. It would be beneficial to find a professional who can help you look at your life and examine what is going on and how you can deal with what comes your way more effectively.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently went through a divorce, and I’m struggling to figure out who I am now.
There were no kids involved, so the breakup was really just between my ex and me. I thought I had my life figured out, but now that I’m on my own, I’m feeling lost. I’ve been so focused on being a partner for so long that I don’t even know what I want for myself anymore.
I’ve started doing things for myself — like picking up new hobbies, traveling more and spending more time with friends — but I still feel like there’s something missing. I’m not sure whether it’s the routine I had when I was married or whether I’m just afraid of being alone in this new phase of life.
I keep wondering whether I’ll ever feel truly comfortable on my own, or whether I’ll always feel like something is incomplete.
How do I rediscover who I am and what I want out of life after a marriage? Is it normal to feel this way, or should I be worried that I’m not moving forward as I should?
— Newly Divorced
DEAR NEWLY DIVORCED: It takes time to redefine your life after divorce. It’s natural for things to feel odd or out of place given the life you previously lived.
Be patient with yourself. Learn to enjoy your own company. Who knows whether you will partner with someone again, so don’t make that your objective. Instead, seek peace and joy.
Figure out little things that make you happy, and cherish them. Give yourself time to see how your life will settle. Accept that life may feel incomplete now, but trust that you will become more comfortable over time.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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