I think my husband should get a vasectomy, but he refuses

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been blessed with five children. When we got married, we didn’t plan for this many.

We’ve decided that we are happy with our family size as is and do not want to have any more children.

We both had the bright idea that the other person should undergo the necessary procedure to make that happen.

Since we couldn’t agree, I suggested that we both go through with it. If he expects me to get my tubes tied, I think a vasectomy makes sense on his end. He refuses.

I don’t know how to feel about him wanting to make changes to my body without making the same sacrifice to his own.

— No More Babies

DEAR NO MORE BABIES: Your husband is being unfair. One way to get him to pay attention to your request is to draw a line in the sand: No more sex until you both have undergone the procedures. This will get him to take you seriously.

It is not fair for you to bear the burden on your own.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Why won’t my parents treat me like an adult?

I am 18 now, and I’m the oldest of my siblings. I have my own car and a job and lots of responsibilities, but my parents still try to be in control.

They don’t approve of my job and think I only wanted to get a job so that they can’t tell me what to do. They constantly remind me that as my parents, their job is to tell me what to do.

If I do everything I can to prove I’m responsible, when will my parents trust me? How can I get them to understand how I feel?

— Young Adult

DEAR YOUNG ADULT: Congratulations on taking on so much responsibility in your family. As the oldest child, you certainly have done a lot already to be independent and strong.

You are also very young. From your parents’ perspectives, they are probably concerned that you are becoming independent too fast.

Parents want to protect their children and guide their steps. Their rules seem controlling to you now — and they very well may be — but their intentions are likely to protect you.

What you can do is ask them to give you some space and observe what you are doing. Ask them to support you as you build your independence. Be open to suggestions from them; they have lots of life experience, after all.

As you are maturing, your relationship with your parents is naturally changing. Give it time to evolve into something more comfortable.

Continue to be respectful to them. Listen to their wisdom. Consider what they are saying. While you live with them, know that you should be following their directions.

As you become more independent, maintain respect even as you start making your own decisions over time. Believe it or not, they know a lot about life.

While it is excellent that you are taking steps to be able to care for yourself, you are fortunate to have them to help guide you along the path. Remember that, especially when they say things that annoy you. Take a deep breath and listen.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

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